SAHM. My title is an acronym, and it speaks volumes of me. It translates into Stay At Home Mom, or as Heather B. says, Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker. I am definitely the first. It's who I am all day, every day, for days on end... until the Red Sea parts, pigs fly, and the heavens open blissfully... and then I will gayly ( yeah, uh huh, GAYLY) begin to call myself MWAL. Mom With A Life.
It sounds as if I'm putting my role down, as if I'm not content with what I do. And that really isn't the case, because I am a SAHM by choice, and I do it for my children so they don't have to be in some random daycare facility where they depend on comfort, love, and safety from complete strangers who put on the smiley face when Mom's around, but once Mom walks out the door, they turn into wicked, wicked witches. I know there's much truth to that, and if that reality doesn't scare me I don't know what would. My kids are my most precious, most prized possessions. They are my babies, whom I could never hand over to unworthy individuals who would falsley claim to love and care for them as we do at home.
But at the same time... there are definitely times when I've really just had ENOUGH of tending to every single daily need of several small human beings, as well as my husband's needs and -dare I say- my own needs. It's not an easy job. There are times when I really think I'm going to stop in my tracks and spontaneously COMBUST if I see another toy on the floor when I've just put every item in the play room away, or I have to juggle making breakfast-serving breakfast-unloading the dishwasher-rushing a child out the door for school all at once, or I have to hear "La la la la, La la la la, Elmo's World...." one more frickin' morning in a row. It's all quite crazy, and it never ever ever ever ends. It's like that ridiculous movie Groundhog Day. Over and over and over. And that is what I think the toughest part about this job is... it is one huge continuous cycle of have to's, errands, multi tasking, and prepping-- and everything you HAVE to do is not really what you want to do. There's always an "I'd rather be" statement in the back of my mind. In between, you try to sleep, eat, and "relax" whenever you can.
And THAT is what this therapeutic/venting/praising blog is about: the balance (or more often the state of UNbalance) of the life that is mine, as a SAHM. I love it, I hate it. I'm thankful, I'm resentful.
I'm human.
